Press Releases and News Stories

from the IMT Press Office, syndicated in Interstellar Music Times

YeeeeeeHAAAAAARRRR.... Desert for afters!!!!

News...News...News IMT DUST OFF in AM'KALZGZCHTYSDF - Overexcited Embedded WORRRR Correspondant - Nathan Hardhat

Today we witnessed the power of IMT ground units - on patrol during Riot Control Manouvres? An' man do these suckers mean CONTROL!!!!!! Whoa, gotta get a grip here. We are professional press here!

Orbiting surv-sats identified an illegal - contracontractual - gathering of protestors in the village of Am'Kalzgzchysdf near the Ingoro'Jugandik Unquasat Reservation on Malfatsa Prime. We hurried after the patrol as it scrambled and only arrived just in time to witness the mop-up squadron as it recce'd the remains.

There were obvious signs of a clean-up operation as a convoy of Sloane vehicles disappeared over the horizon - under guard. Chup troopers halted our progress but the hasty arrival of the Site PR Rep Jonathan Butsedski calmed tensions and explained that the "armed insurgents" had been hastily dealt with - with minimum force.

"It is IMT's pleasure and honour to enforce our contractual obligations." he explained. "In these extremely occasional incidents we find that our Customers appreciate a swift and delicately handled response. No fuss, no bother. I'd like to point out that the majority of the settlement is undamaged and only the... er... holy place is it?... was damaged. It was probably religious zealots...but I assure you a full investigation will be undertaken... for security reasons. You are all safe here. Probably. For legal reasons. This implies no warranty or contract. Your statutory rights are invalidated. Press releases issued by weight not content. All rights reserved."

It was true, no zealots were in evidence. The only signs of their riot were some dusty white flowers and a drifting haze of small paper shreds. In the distance could be heard the small sound of broken expectations. This is Nathan Hardhat, Malfatsa Prime, signing off....

IMT Indoctrination Newsletter No. 109736

Meet the Peeps!

Nereek Park Lom - Oiling the Path to Smooth Productivity!

Nereek has been a loyal and stalwart member of his drilling team for 17 years now. He joined the company as a boy after the contractual difficulties of Humus7 in the P'tar Sector when he stowed away on the ill-fated "IMT Nebulous Response" and was rescued in the nick of time.

He is now a proud Intermediate Lubricant Executive aboard the Drilling Rig "Drill Sergeant Gonzalez" - currently in full extraction mode in the Ghandi Meditation Crater on the New Delhi Moon of Everest III.

Nereek enjoys nothing more than the smoothly slick silence of well oiled gears and aspires to Senior Lube Exec in a few short decades. In his spare time he grades his large collection of bearings and enjoys Tantric Maintainance Seminars in the crew rest and recovery cubicle.

Nereek is a popular guy with the team and is often found recovering from lively games of Null-G Gang Kabaddi in which he is still a bit inexperienced but his colleagues all think he has "seriously agravated potential".

As Nereek says, "It's a rough game and us junior execs aren't allowed body armour - but the odd injury is good for my meditation and the guys are all really helpful!"

Keep up the Good Work Nereek!

News....News...News...News LLOIDDS PRESSWIRE - NEW LONDONINIUM, ALBION III

INCIDENT OFF THE KOLLMANZGATT NEBULA : Report 3428.7.6:17.28

The Cruise Vessel "GSS GLINTING PURPLE NOVA" Registration Upsilox Hungover Geriatric 786-008

Ship lost - all hands and passengers missing. Location Sect 99.7/950 (estimated) Salvage team identified large wreckage field approaching orbit of Kosher III, New Isreal. Minimal metalic content, no bodies found. Black box recorder missing. Personal digi-recorder drifting amongst wreckage shows attached "snapshot" as last record.

Slur...Slur...Slur..Slur THE BLACK HOLE DAILY PRESS

IMT INTIRELY IMPLICATED in HORROR HOLIDAY HOLOCAUST!!!!
by Alliteration Al Ashwani Andrews

DEVASTATION has been WROUGT on the INNOCENT and the ELDERLY!!!! In a recently leaked "last holiday snap" image taken by an unknown HERO of happy holiday-makers in the Kollmansgutt Sector - we see the LAST SECONDS of the GSS Glinting Purple Nova so VISHUSLY RUVAGED by the brutality of MONEY - GRABING SADISTS OF SPACE that we know as the IMT!!! Ugh!!!!!! !!!

In this unbleevuble instant of time WE CAN SEEE the DREDDEDLY BRUTAL SWARM of METAL MUNCHING DRONES in the INSTANT before VACUUM DEATH SUCKED LIFE from FAMILIES and CHILDREN on their DREEM HOLIDAY. DEATH HOLIDAY as it terned out! We the staff of THE BALCK HOLE condemm these VISHUSS TERORSIT ATTACKZ by CORPRATE POWER MUNGERS!!!

(The Black Hole, registered at the Lunar Post Office as an illiterate, muckraking trash mag.)

News....News...News...News Corporate Times & Yachting Magazine

(Ref: page 976, bottom left, beneath Anti-Aging Cream Advert.)

After one of the shortest trials in history, the case of IMT corp. vs "The Black Hole" newspaper was concluded at the Court of Interworld Equity, Boniface, Vega, Benchmaster Dalt Presiding. The Benchmaster found in favour of IMTs massive 2,762 man legal team and awarded damages against The Black Hole's office, staff and planetary system. Non-employees are warned to vacate the system within 76 hours. IMT Spokes executive director Paulus Chambreros made a brief statement on the steps of the Judiciary Complex.

"We have here a signpost to the future for Corporate Privacy Legislation in the Subcategory of Image Abuse, Subsection 809 Theta, Paragraph 564. Our accusers
have proved their guilt in the matter of abuse of IMT's unsullied corporate image in their blatant attempt to malign the Good Name of IMT through their hack-rag. The image was duly proven to have been massively retouched by TBH "artistes" in order to implicate IMT in an illegal action. IMT holds true to it's founding tenets of Honourable Contractual Diligence - we are supported in all our endeavours by the Law. That's all I have to say you people and AIs."

Where's my limo convoy?

Lunar Orbital Police: Interview transcript/translation: 7864-883745
Subject: Chupinoid Pilot - identified as IMT Pilot C-73 (aka "Dirty Billy")
Present : Vacuum Inspector K.J. Hepkins, Alien Relations Officer J.Kilner, SDS D.F Undermark

Hepkins:      So Billy, you're telling us here that that little JOYRIDE was a "routine" patrol????

Pilot c-73:   Are those DONUTS!!??

Hepkins:      Errr.....errrr...yes I suppose...

Pilot c-73:   Can I have 'EM? Or him? Him by vending machine? Eat him?

Hepkins:      Err....no...

Pilot c-73:   Give!! Give!! (leaps over table and smashes Hepkins in the face, grabs doughnut box)

<an unfortunate incident was subsequently recorded and is now under judicial review....>

[err...that bit should not have gone out on the newsfeed, Ed]

News...News...News... INTERIOR WARSHIP DECOR MAGAZINE by Nethanial Flock, arty farty wandering correspondent

Frankly m'dear, it was a bit dull.

In a subtly underplayed press-shoot - IMT today had their first new "Great Western" class Ironclad hulls launched by the Honourable Cherry Kiosk, DKG. The construction was controversially subcontracted to the Hendrix Chainsaw Shipyard, at a price said to be below cost.

The omnipresent spin-army was viciously keen to emphasise that this was only the basic hull and that there were still 200+ competitive contracts in progress to supply main armament, superstructure, toiletries, "interior spacial awareness meditation prismatuclature environments", life support and other such sundry accessories.

This lead ship - ultimately to be named the "IMT Great Britain Cool Unto Infinity" still has many days to go before completion - and a fair number of contractual disputes to resolve.

Early days yet it seems for the interior design items... they always leave it too late!

News...News...News... NEW GIZMOIDIST WEEKLY

STUNNING BREAKTHROUGH AT IGRL!!! by Hengist Throgpendle

IMT Ghipsoid Research Labs, Multon Kynes, New Essex III tonight unveiled their latest technological revolution in starship Designer Accessories.

This is the Ninglemop 39A - and that about says it all I suppose.

Engineers state that - although they still have absolutely no idea what it does - it does ...err... whatever at a staggering 93.4% efficiency!!!. As a bonus - it leaks significantly dangerous amounts of gamma and theta radiation, hums in a reassuringly expensive way, and looks good in either red or green.

Cheif Designer Gnipnong Klamoophod explains, "It's really just a prototype - it'll need loads of stuff on and around to regulate the output - um, when we find out what that is - aaaand... a more proffessional control system - less.... er... woody. Plasticite might be good? Guys? We got any out the back???"

Anyway - the Chief upstairs said he wanted one. "Gnipnong me old fruit", says he, "I need a BIG THING to put on the Great Western mid section - its gotta be expensive, simple enough to frighten management people but with fiddly bits to worry them even more. Here's a couple of giga-credits. Make me one!"

So here it is - like it?"

Well it sure was impressive - filling the entire hanger - and when the occasional sparks shot across bits of it - sending Ghip techs flapping (as they do) it was almost artistic...

<NOOOO!!! Don't push THAT!!!!>

News...News...News... DREADNOUGHT ENTHUSIAST WEEKLY

IMT's First Great Western Chews Space For It's Maiden Voyage by Simeon Wrenchard

So it finally happened guys! - and what a sight it was!

After the abortive launch of the now infamous original quad-hull design and the rumoured vicious infighting between two of IMT's Executives - the re-vamped GW has finally been revealed...

It seems that the original mistake was sliced into two halves and - in a compromise initated by the board - will eventually be converted into TWO of the new hulls! This, the first - the "IMT Great Britain Cool Unto Aleph One" - was unveiled this afternoon, amid a somewhat subdued Executive Party and usual PR Smoke-and-Mirrors spin show.

It was obvious that a serious rift had formed within the Board - the two Executive Members were close in conversation - leaving the Design Bureau Chief to mingle with the crowd - explaining away his Consultancy's decisions to alter the original design.

"It was all just a minor misunderstanding - the issues have now been resolved - and I think we've got a winner here - even if it isn't the thoroughbred initially conceived! Economies of scale are always a killer point within ship design - in the end - by and large - you can spread thinner or work in lumps. Engineering is always a game of two halves, with a swap round at half time and a blind referee."

Next month sees the launch of the "siamese-sister" ship - to be called the "IMT Victoriana Gloriana".

It'll be interesting to see if these cut-n-shut jobs will stay in one piece!!

Disclaimer: this is part of the IMT race website, gallery section. This page is a showcase for late alpha work being considered for inclusion in the race design. While it does reflect the spirit of the race, including their boasting nature, it does not reflect final design stats. The value of race prestige can go down as well as up. Planetary and selenite surfaces are subject to unpredicatable events including but not limited to: solar flares, mutant stargoats, acts of deity, time travelling Victorian gents, flood and capitalist rogues with large machines hell bent on taking off the topsoil to get at the minerals.

The images were made by raytracing using POVRAY and post-processed using Paint Shop Pro (various versions). The team use a number of machines with operating systems from Redmond and elsewhere. No packets were mangled in the making of this page. It is ostensibly GIF free.