Press Releases and News Stories
YeeeeeeHAAAAAARRRR.... Desert for afters!!!!
IMT DUST OFF in AM'KALZGZCHTYSDF
- Overexcited Embedded WORRRR Correspondant - Nathan Hardhat
Today we witnessed the power of IMT ground units - on patrol during
Riot Control Manouvres? An' man do these suckers mean CONTROL!!!!!!
Whoa, gotta get a grip here. We are professional press here!
Orbiting surv-sats identified an illegal - contracontractual -
gathering of protestors in the village of Am'Kalzgzchysdf near the
Ingoro'Jugandik Unquasat Reservation on Malfatsa Prime. We hurried after
the patrol as it scrambled and only arrived just in time to witness the
mop-up squadron as it recce'd the remains.
There were obvious signs of a clean-up operation as a convoy of Sloane
vehicles disappeared over the horizon - under guard. Chup troopers
halted our progress but the hasty arrival of the Site PR Rep Jonathan
Butsedski calmed tensions and explained that the "armed insurgents" had
been hastily dealt with - with minimum force.
"It is IMT's pleasure and honour to enforce our contractual
obligations." he explained. "In these extremely occasional incidents we
find that our Customers appreciate a swift and delicately handled
response. No fuss, no bother. I'd like to point out that the majority of
the settlement is undamaged and only the... er... holy place is it?...
was damaged. It was probably religious zealots...but I assure you a full
investigation will be undertaken... for security reasons. You are all
safe here. Probably. For legal reasons. This implies no warranty or
contract. Your statutory rights are invalidated. Press releases issued
by weight not content. All rights reserved."
It was true, no zealots were in evidence. The only signs of their riot
were some dusty white flowers and a drifting haze of small paper shreds.
In the distance could be heard the small sound of broken expectations.
This is Nathan Hardhat, Malfatsa Prime, signing off....
IMT Indoctrination Newsletter
Meet the Peeps!
Nereek Park Lom - Oiling the Path to Smooth Productivity!
Nereek has been a loyal and stalwart member of his drilling team for 17
years now. He joined the company as a boy after the contractual
difficulties of Humus7 in the P'tar Sector when he stowed away on the
ill-fated "IMT Nebulous Response" and was rescued in the nick of time.
He is now a proud Intermediate Lubricant Executive aboard the Drilling
Rig "Drill Sergeant Gonzalez" - currently in full extraction mode in the
Ghandi Meditation Crater on the New Delhi Moon of Everest III.
Nereek enjoys nothing more than the smoothly slick silence of well
oiled gears and aspires to Senior Lube Exec in a few short decades. In
his spare time he grades his large collection of bearings and enjoys
Tantric Maintainance Seminars in the crew rest and recovery cubicle.
Nereek is a popular guy with the team and is often found recovering
from lively games of Null-G Gang Kabaddi in which he is still a bit
inexperienced but his colleagues all think he has "seriously agravated
As Nereek says, "It's a rough game and us junior execs aren't allowed
body armour - but the odd injury is good for my meditation and the guys
are all really helpful!"
Keep up the Good Work Nereek!
LLOIDDS PRESSWIRE - NEW LONDONINIUM,
INCIDENT OFF THE KOLLMANZGATT NEBULA : Report 3428.7.6:17.28
The Cruise Vessel "GSS GLINTING PURPLE NOVA" Registration Upsilox
Hungover Geriatric 786-008
Ship lost - all hands and passengers missing. Location Sect 99.7/950
(estimated) Salvage team identified large wreckage field approaching
orbit of Kosher III, New Isreal. Minimal metalic content, no bodies
found. Black box recorder missing. Personal digi-recorder drifting
amongst wreckage shows attached "snapshot" as last record.
THE BLACK HOLE DAILY PRESS
IMT INTIRELY IMPLICATED in
HORROR HOLIDAY HOLOCAUST!!!!
by Alliteration Al Ashwani Andrews
DEVASTATION has been WROUGT on the INNOCENT and the ELDERLY!!!! In a
recently leaked "last holiday snap" image taken by an unknown HERO of
happy holiday-makers in the Kollmansgutt Sector - we see the LAST
SECONDS of the GSS Glinting Purple Nova so VISHUSLY RUVAGED by the
brutality of MONEY - GRABING SADISTS OF SPACE that we know as the
IMT!!! Ugh!!!!!! !!!
In this unbleevuble instant of time WE CAN SEEE the DREDDEDLY BRUTAL
SWARM of METAL MUNCHING DRONES in the INSTANT before VACUUM DEATH SUCKED
LIFE from FAMILIES and CHILDREN on their DREEM HOLIDAY. DEATH
HOLIDAY as it terned out! We the staff of THE BALCK HOLE condemm these
VISHUSS TERORSIT ATTACKZ by CORPRATE POWER MUNGERS!!!
(The Black Hole, registered at the
Lunar Post Office as an illiterate, muckraking trash mag.)
Corporate Times & Yachting Magazine
(Ref: page 976, bottom left, beneath Anti-Aging Cream Advert.)
After one of the shortest trials in history, the case of IMT corp. vs
"The Black Hole" newspaper was concluded at the Court of Interworld
Equity, Boniface, Vega, Benchmaster Dalt Presiding. The Benchmaster
found in favour of IMTs massive 2,762 man legal team and awarded damages
against The Black Hole's office, staff and planetary system.
Non-employees are warned to vacate the system within 76 hours. IMT
Spokes executive director Paulus Chambreros made a brief statement on
the steps of the Judiciary Complex.
"We have here a signpost to the future for Corporate Privacy
Legislation in the Subcategory of Image Abuse, Subsection 809 Theta,
Paragraph 564. Our accusers
have proved their guilt in the matter of abuse of IMT's unsullied
corporate image in their blatant attempt to malign the Good Name of IMT
through their hack-rag. The image was duly proven to have been massively
retouched by TBH "artistes" in order to implicate IMT in an illegal
action. IMT holds true to it's founding tenets of Honourable Contractual
Diligence - we are supported in all our endeavours by the Law. That's
all I have to say you people and AIs."
Where's my limo convoy?
Lunar Orbital Police: Interview
Subject: Chupinoid Pilot - identified as IMT Pilot C-73 (aka
Present : Vacuum Inspector K.J. Hepkins, Alien Relations Officer
J.Kilner, SDS D.F Undermark
So Billy, you're telling us here that that little JOYRIDE was a
Are those DONUTS!!??
Hepkins: Errr.....errrr...yes I suppose...
Pilot c-73: Can I have 'EM? Or him? Him by vending
machine? Eat him?
Pilot c-73: Give!! Give!! (leaps over table and smashes
Hepkins in the face, grabs doughnut box)
incident was subsequently recorded and is now under judicial
[err...that bit should not have gone
out on the newsfeed, Ed]
INTERIOR WARSHIP DECOR MAGAZINE by Nethanial Flock, arty farty
Frankly m'dear, it was a bit dull.
In a subtly underplayed press-shoot - IMT today had their first new
"Great Western" class Ironclad hulls launched by the Honourable Cherry
Kiosk, DKG. The construction was controversially subcontracted to the
Hendrix Chainsaw Shipyard, at a price said to be below cost.
The omnipresent spin-army was viciously keen to emphasise that this was
only the basic hull and that there were still 200+ competitive contracts
in progress to supply main armament, superstructure,
toiletries, "interior spacial awareness meditation prismatuclature
environments", life support and other such sundry accessories.
This lead ship - ultimately to be named the "IMT Great Britain Cool
Unto Infinity" still has many days to go before completion - and a fair
number of contractual disputes to resolve.
Early days yet it seems for the interior design items... they always
leave it too late!
STUNNING BREAKTHROUGH AT IGRL!!! by Hengist Throgpendle
IMT Ghipsoid Research Labs, Multon Kynes, New Essex III tonight
unveiled their latest technological revolution in starship Designer
This is the Ninglemop 39A - and that about says it all I suppose.
Engineers state that - although they still have absolutely no idea what
it does - it does ...err... whatever at a staggering 93.4%
efficiency!!!. As a bonus - it leaks significantly dangerous amounts of
gamma and theta radiation, hums in a reassuringly expensive way, and
looks good in either red or green.
Cheif Designer Gnipnong Klamoophod explains, "It's really just a
prototype - it'll need loads of stuff on and around to regulate the
output - um, when we find out what that is - aaaand... a more
proffessional control system - less.... er... woody. Plasticite might be
good? Guys? We got any out the back???"
Anyway - the Chief upstairs said he wanted one. "Gnipnong me old
fruit", says he, "I need a BIG THING to put on the Great Western mid
section - its gotta be expensive, simple enough to frighten management
people but with fiddly bits to worry them even more. Here's a couple of
giga-credits. Make me one!"
So here it is - like it?"
Well it sure was impressive - filling the entire hanger - and when the
occasional sparks shot across bits of it - sending Ghip techs flapping
(as they do) it was almost artistic...
<NOOOO!!! Don't push THAT!!!!>
DREADNOUGHT ENTHUSIAST WEEKLY
IMT's First Great Western Chews Space
For It's Maiden Voyage by Simeon
So it finally happened guys! - and what a sight it was!
After the abortive launch of the now infamous original quad-hull design
and the rumoured vicious infighting between two of IMT's Executives -
the re-vamped GW has finally been revealed...
It seems that the original mistake was sliced into two halves and - in
a compromise initated by the board - will eventually be converted
into TWO of the new hulls! This, the first - the "IMT Great Britain Cool
Unto Aleph One" - was unveiled this afternoon, amid a somewhat subdued
Executive Party and usual PR Smoke-and-Mirrors spin show.
It was obvious that a serious rift had formed within the Board - the
two Executive Members were close in conversation - leaving the Design
Bureau Chief to mingle with the crowd - explaining away his
Consultancy's decisions to alter the original design.
"It was all just a minor misunderstanding - the issues have now been
resolved - and I think we've got a winner here - even if it isn't the
thoroughbred initially conceived! Economies of scale are always a killer
point within ship design - in the end - by and large - you can spread
thinner or work in lumps. Engineering is always a game of two halves,
with a swap round at half time and a blind referee."
Next month sees the launch of the "siamese-sister" ship - to be called
the "IMT Victoriana Gloriana".
It'll be interesting to see if these cut-n-shut jobs will stay in one
Disclaimer: this is part of the
IMT race website, gallery section. This page is a showcase for late
alpha work being considered for inclusion in the race design. While it
does reflect the spirit of the race, including their boasting nature, it
does not reflect final design stats. The value of race prestige can go
down as well as up. Planetary and selenite surfaces are subject to
unpredicatable events including but not limited to: solar flares, mutant
stargoats, acts of deity, time travelling Victorian gents, flood and
capitalist rogues with large machines hell bent on taking off the
topsoil to get at the minerals.
The images were made by raytracing using POVRAY and post-processed using Paint
Shop Pro (various versions). The team use a number of machines with
operating systems from Redmond and elsewhere. No packets were mangled in
the making of this page. It is ostensibly GIF free.